Why Is It So Damn Hard to Be a Mom and a Therapist?

Short answer: because we’re doing two full-time emotional labor jobs at once—and society expects us to smile while doing it. 

Longer answer? Settle in, it’s gonna be a long night.

The Invisible Mental Load Is Suffocating
Therapist brains don't shut off.
Ever.
We’re trained to scan for emotional nuance, regulate our responses, and hold space like it’s our job—because, well, it is. 

(Oh dang, we’re still at the office!)

Now we go home and immediately shift into “Mom Mode,” where we’re expected to be the snack-fetching, boo-boo-kissing, permission-slip-remembering, what’s-for-dinner default parent. It’s like running a marathon, then being asked to carry everyone else across the finish line.

Anyone else exhausted just thinking about that?

You Lose Pieces of Yourself

The “loss of self” isn’t some dramatic cliché—it’s real. Between being the calm professional in the therapy room and the competent mom at home, where the hell is your time to just… be a human? 

We all have stories of how parenthood was hyped up throughout our childhood and then when the day arrived…it may have been deeply disappointing. Or harder than they said it would be. Or you realized it’s a thankless job. 

Katesha Reid, MS, LPC is one of the speakers for the Connection & Growth Weekend Symposium this October. During her Speaker Spotlight LIVE, she shared her own story of feeling deeply unfulfilled—even as a therapist—until she made space for her own needs. Too often, we therapists forget that we’re people, too.

You Know Too Much

Therapist knowledge is a blessing and a curse. Every tantrum? You're trying to figure out if it's sensory, trauma, attachment or just low blood sugar. 

Every parenting decision comes with a mental file cabinet of theories, risks and dos/don’ts. And then, God forbid, you lose it on your kid—cue the shame spiral. You know what you “should” do, and still can’t always do it. Because... you’re human. And tired.

When we’re parenting our children, we’re not really parenting our child. Katesha put it best…we’re parenting our adult child. We’re trying to look through a Magic Eight Ball to see how this decision, this consequence, this statement will impact them from this moment on as they make their journey into adulthood.

I have mom’s sitting in my office frequently saying “I don’t want my kid to have to go to therapy when they’re my age.” Well, chances are they will and it is okay-it may have nothing to do with you!

And don’t we want our kids to utilize the tools that we tried to teach them at a young age? Don’t we want them to find someone who can help them through whatever they’re dealing with? I mean, if it can’t be me, then I’d rather my daughter have a trusted therapist to help her. Will she talk about me? Most definitely. And I hope that her therapist will tell her what I tell my clients: “your parents did the best they could. Sometimes you might have needed more and sometimes not. Everyone makes mistakes and we’re going to move forward knowing they did their very best AND we’re also going to acknowledge that you have some beliefs about that.” (This clearly comes up most when I’m dealing with an EMDR client.)

Society Expects Moms to “Do It All”

There’s still this unspoken expectation that moms should be the default parent, even if they’re also the breadwinner, CEO or solo practitioner. 

And what happens if we don’t internalize that pressure? 

Society happily does it for us.

Katesha shared how people are shocked when they hear her husband watches the kids while she travels—like he’s “babysitting” instead of, you know, parenting. 

Why in the world would it be such a shock that another parent is home with their child? My husband is home with my daughter when I travel or I’m hosting an event. That’s his role as Dad. 

Why is it such a momentous occasion when a Dad cares for his child, but Mom gets to hear the judgment in other women’s voices when they ask her about not being a stay-at-home mom or the frequency of her work travel.

Way before my daughter was born, I knew that I’d be a terrible stay-at-home mom. I told my husband that wasn’t going to happen. He was fine with that. I loved maternity leave because it was over the holidays. But I was secretly glad to return to work. Sadly, sometimes my clients get the better part of me than my family. I feel like I know what I’m doing at the office. Sometimes at home it feels like I can’t do anything right. 

Maternal Guilt Is a Whole Identity

Whether it’s not breastfeeding long enough, missing a school event because you’re in session, or have the audacity to want 15 minutes alone—guilt is right there whispering, “You’re not enough. You’re doing it wrong.” Even though you give everything. 

The guilt eats away at me sometimes. If I’m at work, I feel like I should be at home. When I’m at home I think about all the stuff that needs to be done at work. And then there’s the “Why are you on your computer? Mom, why do you have to leave? ” Because if I don’t…I may leave for good.

As Katesha said: “We’ve got to stop people-pleasing our way into misery and start asking, ‘What do I want?’” Because your happiness matters, too.

And Let’s Not Forget: You’re Doing It Without a Village

That whole “it takes a village” thing? Many of us are building ours from scratch. And when we do find our people—like the TheraMama community—it changes everything. 

You get to drop the mask, speak freely, laugh, cry, curse and know: they get it. It’s why Katesha joined the FB community and is speaking at the Connection & Growth Weekend Symposium in October. Listen to her interview now.

And it’s why we need each other now more than ever.

So No, TheraMama, You're Not Crazy. It's Just... A Lot

You’re juggling the weight of your clients’ trauma, your kids’ needs, your own inner critic, a world that’s being tipped upside down and shaken like that Magic Eight Ball and tossed aside when they don’t like the answer and a world that wants you to “have it all” with zero support. 

But here’s the truth: You don’t have to carry it alone. Not anymore.

Let’s stop pretending we can do it all without falling apart—and start finding power in showing up real, messy, and together.

Who am I?

Hi! I’m the founder of TheraMama Haven—a community built for Therapist Moms who are tired of holding it all together with caffeine, calendar reminders and sheer force of will. I’m an LCSW, Supervisor, small group practice owner and coach who’s lived the “wipe my smile off my face in between clients but paste it back on for the next one” life and decided there had to be a better way. This space was born out of a stubborn belief that we deserve care, connection, and actual rest—not just the leftover scraps. If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything for everyone and still wondering if it’s enough… yeah, you’re in the right place.

Here's how you can work with me:

• Check out Journey to Self-Care Journaling Workbook to get started on your own self-care journey.

• Schedule a Consultation. Reach out for a consultation where we can discuss your specific challenges and goals.

• Join my FB Community TheraMama Haven Community.